Inside all those cute buildings

The big software companies use such great looking buildings to run their businesses. Many people (who have never been inside any of these) might wonder "Isn't it fun working in such great buildings?" Oh, there's so much fun to be had, I hardly know where to begin.

In order to get into these buildings, you must first obtain an ID card. In order to do that you simply ask the receptionist, who will promptly guide you to the Security Department. It consists of people who always have a frown on their face, for effect. They will thoroughly check you for things like explosives, chemicals and bike keys, using a metal detector. If it beeps, they ask you to put the item on a tray, which they will return to you on the other side "Sir, you forgot your bomb". Then they'll make a few phone calls to the ID card issuing department, which is located in South Germany. You'll have to wait in that room for the ID card to arrive, after clearing customs and all. The whole process will take a few hours if you're lucky, and if the delivering truck isn't hit by a terrorist-hijacked airplane. Even then, they'll make you travel to the Department that Hands Over the ID-card, which will thoroughly frown at you and then reluctantly hand over the card.

Got your card? Cool! Let's go into one of those offices where people are working so hard on their computers. Those are ODCs- Offshore Development Centers, so called because they are centers. Of course, you can't really go inside because you don't have the appropriate level of clearence. Wait for the Security and then sign on all those registers, declaring who you want to meet and for what purpose (It had better not be food). Inside, all you see is lots and lots of cubicles with the latest Dell workstations, but which have nothing in them, in terms of music, videos, games and porn. Of course, you may surf the internet, but you're not allowed to check mail or download stuff, or chat or blog or listen to streaming audio or .... the list goes on. You may only open educational stuff, such as sun.java.com, and the company's website- that too after obtaining a network ID (for which you must fill a dozen forms).

Bored? Of course you are! That's the whole point. So let's go up to the great looking cafeteria upstairs, on these great looking elevators. Hey, just because it (the cafeteria) looks great doesn't mean it's great. The food here is catered by "Perfect Solutions", which sounds like a software company's name. It is, and those people serving there are software engineers. It used to be a great company at one time, but now only the catering business is intact. Let's just eat. So now you're bored and disgusted with your life. Let's get out of here..

The building's exit is that way- please surrender that ID card on the way out. There are appraisal forms in the Department that Hands Over The Appraisal forms, that side, which you can fill up with disgusting comments and submit to the Suggestion Box department, which stores your form, along with ten thousand others in its Storage Area- a big dustbin.

"Thank you for visiting. Please come again. You don't have a choice, kid. You work here."